Photo: Green hill, blue mountains in the distance, pale blue sky, yellow grass in the foreground. (Unsplash)

Content notes: mental health & intersectional challenges

This week has been another hard one!

Managing mental health and existence.

Surviveries grow knowledge and skills.

If you’d rather read a poem, I wrote one and it’s here.

These reflections I hope will give insight and add meaning to my creative output, which is a coping mechanism – as I explained recently in my interview.

We got a new stovetop after 35 years of the old one and 3 failed deliveries

The lovely person who installed commented that the others couldn't be bothered because they knew it was a hard job. The pots and plates were covered in sawdust because after the first 3 times, we decided not to move everything! But we cleaned it all and it looks ok.

Photo: “Stay Home” on small wooden cubes. Toy emergency van and miniature buildings. (Unsplash).

After 2 days, my mum told me she could smell gas

It turned out we had a gas leak and luckily this was fixed. I felt guilty for not tipping the engineer, but I was told you are not meant to. Both of the workers were pleasant and did a good job but it brings on anxiety to arrange, expect and wait while people are in the house. We are also fortunate to currently be in a position to get things fixed which is not possible for everyone.

Photo: Mossy rocks by the edge of a pond or stream. (Unsplash).

3 things happened with white people

One didn't want to pay a QBPOC I know a low fee for a job.

One asked me for my real name.

One compared white classism to anti-Black racism.

The context of actions is important. I'm not going to give more context here for various reasons. Partly, I'd like to identify these behaviours as a wider phenomenon rather than shame an individual for a lack of awareness at the time.

The three things happened in an LGBTIQ+ context. This will not surprise some people. But because I had an emotional investment, I decided to interact (with the first two) and had some success. This is positive. As for the third, it couldn't be dealt with in the context.

The cumulative effect was tiring. As a QTIBIPOC, micro-traumas take a lot out of me, because they reverberate with the accumulation of all the other micro-traumas.

Photo: Snowy mountain in the distance reflected in a lake which is in the foreground. A few rocks are jutting out of the lake. (Unsplash).

Feeling constantly overloaded

In the various spaces I occupy including my home, I feel a weight of what seems like unbearable emotions and pressures.

One of my struggles is identifying that I'm feeling overloaded and expressing this.

I am trying. (Yes I'm very trying... Oh wow. I made a joke!!!)

If communication is a skill I used to participate in the house maintenance, I have the potential to use it about my emotions. I can learn to communicate my emotions as I learnt to do house admin and management. If I tell myself that the fear of rejection and hostility I more tiring than taking a small step to identify my emotions, ground myself and express them calmly then I hope that I can improve my domestic negotiation skills.

Photo: Green painted wooden chest decorated with flowers and round metal studs, under a bed sheet. Underneath are some patterned rugs. (Unsplash).

My new therapist invited me to build a mood box

Yesterday I started making a mood box. The next day, I looked in the box three times, and now I want to climb in it. (What is a mood box?)

I am glad that after a long search, I found an LGBTIQ+ Black therapist! Although... she did ask me why I didn't choose a Chinese therapist.

Well.. there's a whole bunch of things to say there. I guess this is to be continued...!!!

Thanks for reading. I hope you found this interesting. I plan to maybe take some of the sections and make separate posts to help people focus on particular topics

Photo: Yellow teelephone in a vintage style, on a wooden chest of drawers next to a blue sofa with a cushion on it. (Unsplash). — Photo: Yellow telephone in a vintage style, on a wooden chest of drawers next to a blue sofa with a cushion on it. (Unsplash).

Mental health resources that might be helpful

Mind Infoline: 0300 123 3393 (UK)

Samaritans Call 116 123 (for free in the UK)

If you are not UK based, please search for a support line that you can use where you are.

Searching for mental health resources on the internet may give you something useful, whether it’s information, validation or a distraction.

Photo: Rollerball pen on a ruled notebook on a grey wooden desk.

A few things I found useful

I understand that these are not always possible for people. They are just suggestions that someone might wish to try.

1) Doing a small creative thing. Writing this helps me process and is also a way to communicate my experiences to people. I have made a list of creative things to do which is coming soon.

2) Finding a suitable support group. While this is not a replacement for professional therapy, I find it is useful for me hear when other people feel sad or angry, and ideas for what helps them feel uplifted or calmer.

Photo: The tops of a group of cactus plants is visible below the lower half of the photo. There is a light-grey-blue background. (Unsplash).

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Diary of an Intersectional Mollusc, Part 1