What it means to me to play at Trans Pride Brighton 2021

Image Description: Two captions: “ASIANS HAVE FEELINGS TOO” “Trans Pride Brighton 17/07/2021”. Photo: The Mollusc Dimension is an East-Asian artist, wearing a cornflower blue checked jacket, black shirt, vintage British-made red bow tie and a black hat. He gazes at the camera with wide eyes, enhanced with black eyeliner.

Content notes: dysphoria, mental health

I'm making the bassline for my new song, “Asians Have Feelings Too”. It's a deeply satisfying process.

SO grateful for the chance to have been given the chance to perform “Asians Have Feelings Too” as part of Trans Pride Brighton 2021. It will be online, Saturday 17th July at 2021.

As with the AIB photoshoot I am aware of disappointed applicants. As I have rejection sensitivity myself, I would like to share some aspects which make my selection especially meaningful to me. Len Lukowski's generous Instagram sharing (a while back) of lists detailing submissions and rejection/success have been helpful to me as I continue to try to break new ground.

Lockdown life re-acquainted me with the ugliness of sino-racism and intensified relationship challenges. Two major decisions were made by others which affected my life were ongoing. As a 41-year old QTPOC, I have been struggling to care emotionally and practically for my ageing parent in a boundaried way. I escape through my work which is satisfying but isn't healthy. Until recently, I had not known how to reach out for help.

The colonial culture we live in, and the leaders we live under glorify and normalise ignorance. Intersectionality means multipile sources of shame to work through. One of mine is a sense of shame about failing to live up to expectations while not knowing how to voice that the expectations are fake and put upon us. I have avoided being specific, but I live frequently in a state of high anxiety and severe depression.

Music helps me enormously and I want to use my music to help people too.

Voice dysphoria is a big reason reason why I was late to singing. Trans Pride Brighton is one place where I feel that's understood. I have been taking transformative singing lessons with a non binary singing teacher now, but by way of example, I have been snubbed by a well-known singer who ran a music night. (Other trans friends who are skilled singers have also been snubbed). On another occasion, immediately after my performance by a well-meaning queer organiser if I took singing lessons. OUCH.

As I'm living back where I grew up as a child (and have done so since 2015), I am processing a lot of anger around how my parents obstructed my dream of being an artist. Despite this, they both knew from personal experience that making music was an effective coping mechanism.

I'm thinking about this as I make the bassline for “Asians Have Feelings Too”.

If this song reminds you of the 80s or 90s, it's probably because I am time-travelling in this song. Music enables us to journey in time and space. I referenced time-travel in my interview with Tuyet and UrieJo for Chinese Arts Now.

As a paradoxical disruptor of inherited patterns, I am wondering if I, a child of hardness can ever learn empathy. Care – self-care/ genuine care = boundaries and boundaries maybe starts with empathy. Empathy is the opposite of empire. I will learn empathy by feeling. I will learn empathy one song at a time.

I hope this bassline gets finished in time for Trans Pride!

I'd love to see you there on Saturday 17th July, and share my first rendition of “Asians Have Feelings Too” with you.

Thank you for all your support!

💜💜💜🦑

(Purple Hearts and a squid)

Mental health resources

THERAPY

BAATN - The Black, African and Asian therapy network (UK)

Pink Therapy - Gender and Sexual Diversity Therapy in the UK

UK HELPLINES

Switchboard LGBT+ Helpline: 0300 330 0630

Mind Infoline: 0300 123 3393

Samaritans: Call 116 123

If you are not UK based, or if these options don’t work for you, please search for a support line that you can use where you are.

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creativity, mental health, decoloniseeducation, britishcolonialism, intersectional feminism, music, LGBTIQ, performanceThe Mollusc Dimension5 July 2021