Image, Tiger Grrrl Characters & photo edit by The Mollusc Dimension. Original Chinatown photo by Michael Gwyther-Jones (Wikimedia).

Leave Me Alone illustration in green, yellow and pink by The Mollusc Dimension

Content notes: references to sexual violence, harassment, domestic abuse.

A list of mental health resources appears at the end of this blog article.

In one of my recent Instagram live interviews, I wanted to say that I hoped that the rise in ESEA (East & Southeast Asian) confidence would lead to greater confidence among ESEA people to talk about hidden topics like sexual harassment, sexual violence, abuse in the home.

I did not imagine it would happen like this.

For those who don't know, the ESEA event due to be held on Sunday 23rd May 2021 in London, UK has now been cancelled. This followed speakers opting out due to the involvement of Jonny Fox (from The Pho Queue Crew) in connection with the fact that charges were brought against him. Among the allegations were descriptions of him as a “sexual predator” and “emotionally abusive”. The Guardian. He is suing for defamation.

You can support the women fighting the defamation case here.
Watch a video of the song “This is Sisterhood” created to also raise funds.

In my opinion, speakers who wish to opt out of speaking, people who wish to opt out of attending or promoting the ESEA rally on Sunday have every right to do so.

Loyalty can be toxic. It’s painful to believe someone we know or admire could be capable of sexual coercion or violence. That’s probably why I grew up not knowing about the toxic masculinity of bands I loved as a teenager. It’s probably why my male music students (and some female students) keep listening to toxic lyrics.

I think most cis men are ignorant about the impact of sexual harassment and how their friend and consumer choices feed it. We live in a toxic culture where our resistance as non cis-men, LGBTIQ+, BIPOC is often met with shaming and gaslighting. Whether it’s racism, sexism or ableism, discrimination upholds an elitist hierarchy where powerful people (mostly men, mostly cishet and white) repeatedly dodge accountabilty through connections with other similar men.

I’m a trans masc, non-binary person, who has participated in queer-led women’s grassroots activities since the early 2000s.

What if this is a transformative moment?

What can be learnt from the loss of disappointment?

After I drew “Tiger Grrrl”, I drew this pencil sketch imagining Lily (human girl, left) meeting Violet (tiger, right).

This could have been a great chance to see cishet men, or even just ONE.. on camera denouncing sexual predatory behaviours & culture. We need lots of videos everywhere. Men and boys of all ages, races & backgrounds. Toxic masculinity is prized for military potential but which man is “man enough” to fight for inclusive humanity?

Why are cishet men so afraid to commit to solidarity with women and non-binary people? Is it because they will lose their patriarchy card?

I saw three videos on the Phoque Queue Crew Instagram. One person, Marianne in two videos - doing A LOT of work. The third video was from Jo.

Perhaps it would have been enough to know that JF was not to be part of the ESEA event anymore. Making a video to defend JF feels a lot to me, like apologism. So this is my response to that video.

Also, FFS don’t harass Marianne or Jo or you are just as bad.

Pointing out that sexual violence charges were dropped can be a tactic to discredit people who press charges. As I understand it, there is the immense pressure and difficulty of collecting and presenting “evidence“ to meet the demands of the misogynistic eyes of the law, which values property over lives. Dropping charges does not mean the prosecutor was lying. It might mean it was too hard to go through with it. There is not enough support for survivors - systemic and cultural fails.

The “evidence“ of resistance - through blogging is much easier to track or prove than violence.

Working together with other people who have experienced the same thing makes us stronger.

Describing resistance to sexual predator culture as “sabotage“ feels extreme to me. This event was a statement about ESEA unity but how is trashing survivors fighting for justice unity?

There were originally six defendants, says The Guardian. In the video, Marianne says that one out of the “five” cases was quashed. I do not know the details but if so, why should this discredit the other four (or five) cases?

However “historic” it is, sexual violence is still sexual violence!!! I have remained silent on sexual harassment and sexism at work historically. I haven’t even talked about these things except indirectly. Just like racism affects some people for life, sexual harassment can affect people for life too.

Some of us saw the recent UK (?) TV drama scene episode conveying the bias of sympathy in a white woman (crying) vs Black woman (not crying).

Note: Diane Abbott gets loads of hate mail. I haven’t heard about her suing anyone.

Whose tears and voices are we NOT hearing right now?

What about the people who experienced sexual harassment?

Who sees their tears?

What about their lives?

What about their PTSD?

What about their careers?

What about their loss of earnings?

What about their emotions?

“Leave us alone” - Pencil sketch of Lily taking Violet to school - by The Mollusc Dimension.

Sexual harassment, misogyny, intimidation, racism, homophobia, and transphobia - these are some of the reasons why until recently I never saw myself as a public speaker or as a leader.

I already reported a hate comment directed at someone who has opted out of the rally. That comment shamed the person for opting out. It was misogynist harassment!

The comments we see are the tip of an iceberg. For every charge brought, others are silent.

And what if JF is telling the truth?

Even if JF honestly denies all the allegations has he done any work to consider the privileged times that he has enjoyed, and reflect on how he has benefited from being a man in an industry and culture that historically glorifies sexual predators?

If JF really wanted to clear his name, he could divert money from suing into action plans to educating cis men and boys about CONSENT.

The same goes for all men who have had allegations made against them. What work are they doing to raise awareness about CONSENT?

Sometimes a big thing one has worked for falls apart and if/when it happens, (as it happens to me from time to time) maybe it could be time to reflect and ask oneself,

How can I grow and learn?

A community is only as safe and as successful as the most vulnerable person in the community.

Support/Follow/Donate these groups!

Read Amy Phung’s article on why we use the term ESEA

Mental health resources that might be helpful

THERAPY

BAATN - The Black, African and Asian therapy network (UK)

Pink Therapy - Gender and Sexual Diversity Therapy in the UK

UK HELPLINES

Switchboard LGBT+ Helpline: 0300 330 0630

Mind Infoline: 0300 123 3393

Mind Guide to Support Options for Abuse

Samaritans: Call 116 123

The Survivors Trust: 0808 801 0818

If you are not UK based, please search for a support line that you can use where you are.

I have deliberately included inclusive helplines above as some of the well-known SV lines are either women and girls only or have limited options for men and boys - which excludes non-binary, trans and intersex people.

Searching for mental health resources on the internet may give you something useful, whether it’s information, validation or a distraction.

MUSIC

Below are two pieces of music by me. While they are no replacement for therapy or a listener, people have told me they find my soothing or uplifting.

The first is escapist and dreamy. The playlist has several more tracks in the story.

The second is about resisting toxic cishet masculinity. It starts gently and transforms 3 times into contrasting styles which have more energy and fire.

Home

ESEA demo opt-out - Could this be a transformative moment?

Support/Follow/Donate these groups!

Mental health resources that might be helpful

MUSIC