I'm Asian. So why have I never dated Asians? (prologue)
Burnt Heart-Shaped Toast - Image by The Mollusc Dimension.
Dating - both a murky and motivating area for me.. Alongside a bunch of grief and growth stuff, in a plot twist, I thought I'd try and figure out how and why I (a queer, trans, QTPOC East Asian) dated around eleven cishet white men!
Content notes: internalised racism in relationships
Perhaps looking at my patterns in various types of relationships goes hand in hand with exploring grief and growth. (Or should I say “tentacle in tentacle”).
One of my struggles (which may be partly due to PTSD) is staying focused, and I’m inundated with ideas, so I’d like to grow my discoveries simultaneously, like tending to a few different pot plants. (I’ll get on to how I feel about pot plants another time!)
I have been deeply influenced by Travis Alabanza’s work. Travis uses a lot of questions, and to get started, here are some of mine.
HOW?
What was dating (around) eleven white cishet men like for me?
Why was my “nemesis” always a blonde, white girl/woman?
Can I imagine how it was for them to date me?
Why have I avoided dating BPOC and especially Asians?
What can I learn and how can I grow?
WHY?
The short answer is: internalised white supremacy and anti-asian-ness by the way.
WHY NOW?
If British Generation X QTBIPOC talk about these things, please put us in touch! Either it feels safer to keep these memories locked and private, or we might be in relationships or other situations where it doesn't feel appropriate to dig up the past.
Rather than bemoan being single, looking at my relationship patterns might help me figure out something useful about myself. As well as sad and infuriating stories I have some pleasant and funny ones.
TO BE CONTINUED…
My first crush. My first racist.
NB: I won't be using people's real names. My intention here is growth and the possibility of connecting with other people's experiences, especially QTBIPOC!
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